This therapeutic reflection explores some of the meanings that patterns of overeating or undereating may carry. It is informed by my professional experience and Gestalt perspective, but it does not describe any individual client or suggest that the same understanding applies to everyone.
Sometimes, our ways of eating begin to carry feelings, needs and conflicts for which words have not yet been found. Therapy does not impose a meaning upon them; it helps us discover, carefully and together, what they may have come to hold.
When eating becomes psychologically significant
Someone may come to psychotherapy already recognising that their relationship with food has psychological significance. They may notice recurring episodes of overeating, persistent undereating or a need to control when and how much they eat. These patterns may not be the only reason they are seeking therapy, but they understand that something important is happening through them.
My starting point is not to decide immediately what the behaviour means. I would want to understand the person’s experience: what happens before, during and after eating; what they notice in their body; what feelings or situations are present; and how they understand what is happening.
The behaviour may already carry considerable shame. Someone might eat secretly, conceal how little they have eaten or find it difficult to speak openly about the extent of their struggle. Being able to bring this into therapy is not a confession of wrongdoing. It can be an important movement towards allowing an experience that has remained hidden to be met by another person.
There is no single explanation
Patterns of overeating or undereating do not have one psychological meaning. They may be connected with control, grief, shame, sexuality, family experience, protection, self-soothing or difficulty recognising and responding to bodily needs. At other times, different explanations may be more relevant.
Even when a possible meaning seems compelling, I treat it as something to explore rather than a truth I already know about the person. Overeating does not automatically mean “taking too much in,” just as undereating does not necessarily mean an inability to receive. These connections may become meaningful within a particular person’s experience, but they should not be imposed from the outside.
Nor can someone’s body size be read as a straightforward psychological symbol. If a person experiences their body or eating patterns as connected with safety, visibility, protection, closeness or distance from others, we can explore that together. I would not assume such a meaning simply from how their body appears.
Taking in and keeping out
A phenomenological approach pays attention to how the person’s experience unfolds in the present. This can include sensations of hunger or fullness, changes in breathing, muscular tension, impulses, emotions and the meanings that arise around receiving or refusing nourishment.
At times, a parallel may appear within the therapeutic relationship. Someone who finds it difficult to eat may also struggle to receive care, appreciation or something I offer in the session. They might quickly dismiss my response, move away from it or experience receiving as exposing, demanding or unsafe. Rather than interpreting this as an established fact, I might ask: “What happened just now when I said that?” or “Was there anything in what I offered that you wanted to take in—or reject?”
Someone who overeats may describe taking food in rapidly or without sufficient awareness of what they need. In therapy, we might become curious about whether a similar movement appears elsewhere: taking on too much, absorbing other people’s expectations or reaching for something before there has been enough space to recognise what is actually wanted.
These are possibilities, not formulas. Their value lies in opening a conversation through which the person can discover their own meaning.
Eating, aggression and assimilation
In everyday language, aggression usually means hostility or violence. Gestalt therapy also uses the word in another sense: the energy with which we bite into experience, break it down and decide what we want to accept, transform or reject.
Eating provides a vivid metaphor for this process. We break food down, take in what is nourishing and leave what our bodies cannot use. Psychologically, this can resemble the process of examining what we have received from families, relationships and cultures, deciding what feels meaningful or supportive, and developing the capacity to accept, adapt or reject it rather than taking everything in unquestioningly.
A person may have learned to suppress anger, avoid disagreement or accommodate other people before recognising their own needs. Difficulties with eating may sometimes enter this wider pattern of control and inhibited aggression. Therapy can provide a place to explore how they use their energy, how they establish boundaries and whether they can say both “yes” and “no” while remaining in relationship.
The purpose is not to force a symbolic explanation onto eating. It is to become curious about how the person meets their environment: what they take in, what they hold back, what they reject and what they have not yet been able to digest emotionally.
Shame, secrecy and trust
Shame often convinces us that an experience must remain hidden because being fully seen would lead to judgement or rejection. Eating patterns can become especially private, creating a divided experience between the self presented to other people and what happens when no one is watching.
I do not expect immediate disclosure. Trust develops through the experience of being met consistently and without humiliation. As the relationship becomes safer, the person may find that they can speak more openly about behaviours, feelings or bodily experiences that previously seemed impossible to share.
This openness is significant in itself. Something that had to be carried alone can enter a relationship and become available for reflection. The aim is not simply to stop a behaviour, but to understand what it has been doing for the person and what other forms of support, expression or contact might gradually become possible.
How I might work
My work is relational, phenomenological and attentive to the body. Alongside talking about past and present experience, I may invite someone to slow down and notice what is happening in the moment: where they experience tension, what impulse is interrupted, what feeling begins to emerge or how they respond to my presence and feedback.
When appropriate, I may offer a creative experiment. Chair work, for example, can allow different aspects of experience to enter a dialogue: perhaps a part that needs control and another that longs for nourishment; a part that seeks comfort and another that responds with criticism; or a part that wants greater closeness while another fears what being seen might bring.
If it seems useful and the person agrees, I may also invite them to keep a brief reflective journal between sessions. This would not be a record of calories or weight, nor an attempt to monitor whether they are eating “correctly.” Instead, they might notice emotions, situations, bodily sensations and any changes in appetite or eating—including occasions when no clear connection appears. The purpose is to discover possible patterns with curiosity, without forcing a particular meaning or introducing another form of control.
Within this psychological work, change might become visible through reduced secrecy, greater awareness of bodily and emotional needs, increased freedom of choice, more self-compassion and a growing capacity to seek nourishment and support through relationships. It would not be defined by weight alone or by the disappearance of a particular behaviour.
The limits of my role
My role is to explore the psychological, embodied and relational meanings of these experiences. I do not provide nutritional advice, weight-management programmes, medical monitoring or specialist eating-disorder treatment.
Patterns of eating can sometimes affect physical health even when a person does not identify with the term “eating disorder.” If eating behaviours are active, escalating or medically concerning, assessment by a GP or specialist eating-disorder service may be important. Psychotherapy can, where appropriate, take place alongside medical, nutritional or specialist support.
Someone may also have received specialist treatment in the past and now want to explore the emotional and relational themes that remain. We would consider together whether my way of working is appropriate for their current circumstances and what other support may be needed.
If something in this reflection speaks to your experience, you are welcome to contact me. We can consider what you are looking for and whether psychotherapy with me would be an appropriate part of the support you need. Further information about eating disorders and accessing specialist help is available through the NHS and NICE.
